And you get a fuck you...and you get a...

Have you ever tried to just start your life over? Life one day you could wake up and say "Fuck it. I'm done with everything that happened before." I feel like I keep trying that every morning but the snooze bar is soooo close that that just seems more reasonable. When I finally pull my ass out of bed I check my Facebook book and see all these inspirational messages from people about living a better life and spreading positivity then *POOF* magically everything is better. Strangely, I offer smiles to the people I see. I say nice things. Hell, I even pay for the Starbucks sometimes for the people behind me in line...yet, my life has still happened. Honestly, the last three years of my life has been shit. So, my question is...how do I just start over? How do I act like those things didn't happen? How do I deal with them and just move on? I started therapy. I am a pretty "positive" person but starting to wonder if that is a bit of a joke. During my appointment last week, my therapist ask me if I ever thought of being a therapist. I was like, "HUH!?" Aren't you supposed to be fixing me and all my brokenness? In order to start "fixing" these last three years (not even touching the 33 before them) I thought I'd start forgiving people. "Hey person! It's cool that you destroyed every bit of trust I had. You were my best friend and I love you." "Hey Sister, It's cool you weren't there for me during my child's major life changing illness...oh wait, mine either. I forgive you. Huh, you're mad I decided not to come out for your birthday? I'm sorry. Please forgive me." The list just rolls on. I don't feel sorry for myself. I am deciding how far I bend and when I just walk away and say, "HEY! HERE'S A BIG FAT FUCK YOU!" Unfortunately, I have learned I am not a really good loner and my heart is more tender then I ever thought it was. It sucks. Why can't I just say Fuck You and leave it at that?